“You get what you put into something” It’s easy to brew a cup of coffee, or fill a glass with booze, or light a bowl or a cigarette, or eat an m&m. In this life, there are short term pleasures, easy fixes… And there is real pleasure that comes from hard work. Here I am, at a major crossroad in my life where I can choose my direction, focus and act toward my goals in the same state every day. I am left to my own natural abilities and motivations.
Quit all vices free#
So here is that SOMETHING that comes when you are free of your vices… Balance. I still fondly remember the feeling and idea of relaxing for a smoke… That was my last cigarette, three months ago. I smoked one more, and when the next week came and it was my cig day, I sat in my car looking at the pack and then made a hard decision to throw them all away instead of smoking one. Smoked one and wrote some cool music stuff “okay I’ll wait a week for the next one” but then that day couldn’t come soon enough. I got sick of cloves and decided to buy a pack of regular ones. I may have smoked two or three more over the course of the next month. To return five minutes later and retrieve a few from the trash can. Okay… So I’d better throw the rest of them away.” And I did. But the second one a few days later- holy mother of shit! As I was smoking this (cloves are stronger btw) and feeling one hell of a collected rush, a voice in my head which spilled out into my speech was saying “now I see why this stuff is so addictive… Omg omg. I sat outside my studio, took one out of the package, examined it, and lit it. This may have been the icing on the cake that prompted my whole shift… I never smoked a cigarette until one afternoon I walked into a smoke shop and bought a pack of clove cigarettes. The CIGARETTES part was interesting for me. What the fuck is there to do on a Friday night in LA that doesn’t involve having a drink or some wine? For that matter- what are dates with my girlfriend anymore? We go eat, we see movies, we DON’T have sugar/tea of any kind- we are forced to be with each other in a completely sober state: not bad at all, we keep each other entertained- but why not have a drink, or at least a slice of chocolate cake with ice cream to share on a bench somewhere? No…And yet there is SOMETHING. I watched my father battle alcoholism when I was in high school, so perhaps I’m extra cautious in the first place. When that point is realized, I take a week or so off. For drinks, I always feel when I get a little too comfortable having a beer or two and not feeling drunk. But there is SOMETHING without it…Īlcohol and sugar are both no big deal comparatively. This process is no joke, it is a battle to get physiologically prepped to handle any form of elevated/creative thinking without the coffee. Then it’s two hours of manually waking up while I go about my day. I used to be a morning person, now I snooze that shit right two or three times before I get up. (By the way, I am also a part-time barista at a third wave coffee shop- no kidding.) Leaving the temptation aspect aside- no big deal, I’m determined- Having no morning reward to look forward to is like having almost no reason to get out of bed. Moving on- my most difficult vice to eliminate was my use of caffeine: espressos every day to set my mind running wildly and enthusiastically to my heart’s desire. Haven’t found the patience to sit still and meditate and fully open my mind with all the might and patience and creative technique that one needs to employ in ORDER to get there. I’ve devised a theory that you can “get there” without the use of the drug. Not to mention detaching from my ego, which puts me in immediate touch with my emotions and my relationships with my closest people. So, what have I learned so far? Hmm… I really enjoy a joint once in a while to put things in perspective and to help come up with new, inspiring, creative ideas vital to my work. “If you get the dopamine, what’s the difference” kind of trickery. I decided to make this shift based on an idea (probably while high) that my reward system was comprised of little pick-me-ups throughout the day/week that was messing with my passion and my desire to work hard at it. As the stereotype goes, we are among those groups who typically rely on a steady combination of such things. To further add to the ridiculousness- it happens that I am a musician/composer/writer. The only thing I ritualistically enjoy now is an apple- I shit you not. This decision occurred at the end of February. Sugar (desserts after dinner + morning pastries, etc)Ĭaffeine (espresso or strong coffee every morning)Ĭigarettes (only occasionally- 1 per week before I got hooked… I said f this) I quit all of the below things all at once:
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